Monday, 13 July 2015

My Boy, I'm So Curious.

My boy, I'm so curious.
Did you tell her the same stories that you once shared with me?
Those stories that got us closer, like how the King and Scheherazade in One Thousand and One Nights slowly fell for each other.
I know you did.
You surely did.
That's your perfectly engineered fatal booby trap, that made me to know you deeper and better day by day.
Eventually, you built up the intimacy between us, and I let my walls come down for you.
Did she go through the same process as I did?
I'm curious, are those stories scripted?
Do you use the same script for every girl?
Have I become part of your stories?
Am I your another 0.5? Or 0.7? Or 0.9?
Did you tell her about me?
Like how you told me about your previous girls.


My boy, I'm so curious.
Do you greet her good morning and good night everyday, like how you used to greet me every single day?
Is she your very last thought before sleeping, and the very first thought upon waking up now?
It was once me.
It was once me who occupied your mind day and night.
It was me who occupied a significant space in your heart.


My boy, I'm so curious.
Do you talk to her every night that you're reluctant to hit the sack?
Do you stay up late for her, keep her accompanied when she is having insomnia at night, like what you once did for me for months?


My boy, I'm so curious.
Did you make her laugh with your silly and funny jokes?
Again, are those jokes scripted?
I thought I'm the only one who has heard all the jokes from you, but I'm not, am I right?
Did you tell her the punch lines that I made you chuckled?
I hope you didn't, and you won't.
Cos those are only meant for you and only you, not for your new girl, or girls.
They're copyrighted for you, my boy.


My boy, I'm so curious.
Do you share all your happiness and woes with her now?
Like how we once shared secrets and emotions with each other, 
As if we're leading a shared life, 
As if you're part of me and I were part of you.
Is she the one that you will run to when you're feeling down and on the verge of crying now?
Like how you once wanted to cry in my embrace when you felt defeated, 
Confided your weakest side to me without reservation.
Do you share your dreams with her?
Like how you told me about your wild and ambitious dreams, 
And we promised that we'll work hard together and be the masters of our life.
Like how you described your perfect future to me, the dream family, dream house and dream life.


My boy, I'm so curious.
Do you drown her in your sweetest words and mushiest talks like how you used to pamper me with all your smooth talks?
Do you soft soap her in the same way that you did to me?
Do you get jealous when she is spending time with other guys? 
Like how you used to manja me when I went out with my guy friends.
Do you get anxious when she doesn't reply your texts? 
Like how you once chided me for not replying your messages after hours.
Do you put side your ego and take initiative to apologize after bickering with her? 
Like how you used to coax me after our arguments.
Do you call her the same sweet name that you used to call me everyday?
I hope you don't, because that's my name, that name belongs to me.
It's mine.


I can't even question you,
Because I don't have the position and rights to do so.
Despite being left unanswered, I have all the answers with me.
I was blinded, but I'm not stupid.
I knew it for long, but I have faith in you.
I trust you.
I believe in you.
But you let me down, again and again.


There's no right or wrong.
It's just that, 
I'm a good girl, a good girl who is so serious.
And you're a player.


我很难过,悲伤得无法自己,心痛得快死了。
为一头栽下去,愚昧的自己感到羞耻;
为不带眼识人,天真的自己感到悲哀;
为太过认真,全心全意相信你的自己感到遗憾。


我真的很想找个角落蹲下来,好好地放声大哭一场。
但我始终没有。
因为我是骄傲的Princess Neverland。


但我的难受根本没有意义。
至少对你来说,根本一点意义都没有。
You just don't care at all.



P/S:我不想走悲情路线,我只是想抒发我的悲伤,文字,帮我很多。不要理我,不要管我,也不必问我。Just leave me alone, thank you.



Love,

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