Wednesday, 22 July 2015

She is Your Destiny, She is Your Fate

I keep myself insanely busy with my work, my magazine, my camera, my trips, my learning plans, my family and my friends.
I’m back to the life that I used to lead,
Packed and meaningful, not even wasting a single second every day.
I was fine and good, till we talked to each other again.
Yes, we talked again.
It’s just like a viscous cycle isn’t it?
A cycle that repeats on a weekly basis.

It was 7am in the early morning,
Another great day, I thought.
Let’s see if I can dine with Carine tonight, we need to catch up.
Oh yeah, I’m going to clear the sponsored post tonight.
And I need to make the to-bring list for my weekend getaway.
Everything seemed to be perfect and wonderful.

And then, we talked, in this beautiful morning.
You took initiative to tell me about her, like finally.
You finally made the acknowledgement to me.
She is my destiny, she is my fate.” You said.
Your destiny, your fate.
Holy Crap! For Goodness' Sake!
其實我早就知道 (雖然你一直都不承認也不否認但我就是知道)
頭皮發麻  心頭一涼  四肢冰冷
And I died again.
And I was shattered into thousands pieces again.
And I was torn and shredded again.
And I was swirled into the black hole of sorrow again.
And I was drowned in an ocean of agony and despair again.

I hugged my knees to my chest.
I hugged myself air tight.
Hoping that I can get rid of the cold feeling,
Hoping that I can chase away the heartache,
The heartache that I’m so familiar with ever since you lied to me for the very first time.
(Yea, your lies never work on me, being too smart is not a good thing, huh?)
My mind went blank.
I can’t do anything.
I just wanted to stay in my own embrace for a long long time.
To stay safe and warm.

It was 7:55am,
And I need to leave the house by 8:10am.
I haven’t even brushed.
Hey Princess,
What’re you doing for this chap?
Live your life out!
Today is supposed to be a wonderful day isn’t it?

I dressed myself up,
And reached my workplace on time.
I looked at my control valves,
I looked at the photos of my loved ones,
I even looked at my resume to see how awesome I am. (I know this part is really amusing)
I just needed some self-reassurance.
I’m capable,
I’m amazing,
I’m superb,
I’m formidable and most importantly,
I’m blessed and loved.

I got myself back into shape after 3 hours.
I was good, I was calm.
What an achievement.
I'm a man of word, 
When I said that I'm going to overcome this, I will do it. (And I have to do it)
Thank you so much my left brain, 
For making sure that everything's under control.
I know I can take it I can do it I can make it,
Cos I’m nobody else but the Princess. :)

“Is it that easy for you to fall for a person? A brand new girl every two months? “ I asked.
“Yea, I guess so… It’s just that easy”

Boy, do you know that it took me a freaking 24 years to finally fall for one for the very first time?
And it’s you.
I thought you’re my missing puzzle piece,
But you messed my entire puzzle up instead.
How sarcastic is this.
Worry not,
I will get everything fixed,
By hook, or by crook.

May this be the last post I write in the name of you,
You don't deserve any more of my writing.


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