Tonight's Thoughts

These four years are not easy to me, not easy at all. I always take this place as a place for me to learn, to equip myself with knowledge and skills as a Chemical Engineer, that's all. I don't have any special feelings to anyone and anything here, everything seems so meaningless to me. How to say it.....ermmm..... it's probably because of the gap that I have with the people here? Our backgrounds and lifestyle are so different that I can never blend myself into their world. The world that seems so far from me. Or is it the other way round? Maybe it's my world who is too far from them? I have no idea. Anyway, it's not important at all. The gap has separated me from most of the things here, the outings and the gatherings, the trips, everything. If I can't get myself in then I will just stay outside, I'm happy with my own world so why putting in so much efforts to cross the gap when you know that it's too far-fetched. Well, everything is coming to an end soon. We had dinner together last night. We talked about our life here, the days and moments we had together, consciously and subconsciously. I'm a listener last night. I didn't talk much and I listened. As I listened to all the funny stories, I laughed out together with everyone. I was surprised. I never know that we had so much memories together. I never realize that we have so much stories to tell, till last night. I couldn't sleep after the dinner. Memories that I never pay any attention to kept playing on my mind. I never know their existence at all. I never care and never know. Flashing back all my days here, I love my first year the most. That was a happy and enjoyable year. Everything was good. Everyone was nice. I love the days. I don't like Sophomore year. I hate it. There are so many group works, assignments, laboratory works and competitions that unveiled all the faces behind their masks. I don't like to see their true self. Nobody will like it I would say. Those selfishness, those unbearable despicable acts and those well-planned strategies. I can see everyone so clearly that I'm afraid to stay with them, so afraid that I decided to step out from their worlds. 

Nevertheless, I'm really grateful to have some good friends here. You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you and you who always be there for me. Not many of you, but I'm sincerely grateful.

Sometime relationship is so strange. Some people are good to be friends, but they can never be good colleagues. I'm a problem too. I have very high demand when it comes to academic works. I'm very very strict and I know that I scared my group members out whenever I reject their poorly done works. Oh, I shall say that I stressed them out. People are afraid to be in a group with me. Well at the same time they love to be in a group with me because becoming my group members will guarantee them a good grade. But what to do? Should I change myself? No. I don't think it's wrong to do everything to the best. I understand that everyone is unique and I can't make everyone to be the same. I don't expect a 100% work from you all, I'm happy with a 60% work. I'm really sorry if I stressed you out, I'm sincerely sorry. 

At least I'm happy with my first year here, at least. Thanks for all the memories. 

P/S: Pardon my bad English. I'm not good at descriptive writing and I'm surprised that I just did it. I'm only good at explanatory and argumentative writing...

Love,